How to be Happier in Life by L.A. Nik

How to be happier in life.

"Too many people wake up years later and wonder what the fuck happened." - by L.A. Nik

I had been getting disability from Los Angeles for a thousand dollars a month and I knew I'd be getting it for the next year.  So I thought, instead of renting a place for five hundred bucks a month, start real high.  That way you’re forced to bust your ass to keep it.  Plus you can always move down if it gets to be too much.  If you start at the bottom, you can’t go down and going up from the bottom is extremely difficult.

So I found a really nice duplex in Boca Raton, Florida to rent for a thousand dollars a month.  It was a really nice place.  Then I started looking for a place to do cars  and I found a place on Del Ray beach for $1500 a month.  So now I’m paying $2500 a month and I had no job.  

I was dating this girl that I met in L.A., Susan, and I said, “Hey, go out and get some commercial accounts.”  So she comes back the very first day and she gets an account for ambulances.  They had 15 vans.  The next thing I know, I’m working on all these vans and within the first week, I had five accounts.  I still looked like a rocker out of L.A. but now I'm in Florida, working on cars.  And we made money – a lot of money.

  

This is what started the darkest period of my life.  When I was doing all this I lost who I was.  I stopped being me.  I started playing the part.  I put my hair up in a baseball cap, married my girlfriend, bought a new house, bought furniture, and had a daily routine.  I did this for seven years;  Seven years of marriage, job, house, routine.  In reality, it felt more like just one year – cause I didn’t progress at all in any way.  I progressed financially, but I had slipped into the trap; The comfortable state of hatred.  

Let's get one thing straight.  Money is great when it's meant to increase your freedom to do stuff and be your own boss.  But when money is only used to buy stuff, to maintain some lifestyle, or to show off your status, then money will not work for you.  If that's the case, money has a hold on you.  You're a slave to the money and to the stuff you buy.  You lose your freedom and you'll lose yourself.  Stuff only wears you down.  Stuff will only keep you stagnant.

I got to a point where every day was mundane.  Everything was the same.  I started to hate my job. I hated my life. I hated my wife.  It all became about responsibility and obligation.  I had clients that depended on me and I had deadlines.  When I worked in the shop in L.A., I had a lot more freedom.  I remained true to myself and I worked when I wanted to.  I knew I was good and I got the work done.  

You'd think being my own boss and owning my own shop and making my own hours would work for me.  It should have, but instead of remaining the person I was, I allowed myself to change; To play the part in the theatre of life.  I thought it was time for me to grow up and be a responsible adult.  What I didn't realize was, I already was a responsible adult.  But somehow I convinced myself I still needed to "look" like one.

I bought so much stuff.  We were making a lot of money at this time.  I started buying all kinds of antiques and cars - whatever I wanted.  I'd always loved antique mechanical stuff and so I was buying everything old and mechanical that I could afford.  At first, it was a small collection.  Then it turned into a "I gotta have it!" kind of addiction.  The stuff had a hold on me.  And I didn't have a hold of myself anymore.

If you have nothing tying you down, you're free to do whatever you want.  Stuff ties you down.  If you want to collect something, collect cash.

  

Everything started in this house.  It was the first time I ever smoked coke.  I didn’t notice at first, but after the first time I smoked it, I would dream about it.  It’s that powerful.  Like you do it once, you start dreamin’ about it and it makes you want to do it again.  

Smokin' coke replaced buying all the stuff.  I was still working, still being responsible but I hadn't noticed just how miserable and unhappy I had become.  It got to a point where I was just on auto-pilot, just getting through the day.  Then I could go home and smoke coke.  Doing drugs was a means of coping.  It became what I looked forward to every day.

Pretty soon I was buying it all the time and learning how to cook it myself, but only on the weekends.  Then I started smoking it during the week.  Then it got to the point where I was doing it seven days a week.  Every day – I would get home from work and the first thing I did was cook up some coke.  

Then it got to the point where I was smoking it during the day.  I was smoking before I went to work.  Then I was coming home every 20 minutes to do it.  The shop was only a mile from my house.  So I was driving home every 20 minutes to do some coke.  It got really, really, really bad.  It didn't take long before it got to the point where I hardly even worked anymore. 

Everything fell apart of course.  Everything financially fell apart. The business fell apart. My marriage fell apart. Everything.  I did manage to get it under control for a little while.  Then my wife and I started going in opposite directions.  That forced me to go even deeper.  I'm alone now.  I drove away all of my friends and replaced them with drugs.  

One day, I found a note written on a McDonald’s bag from my wife that read, "I'm leaving you.  Bye."  And she was gone. Just gone.  Left it on the table for me.  I didn’t see her for months.  She just took off with some dude for Costa Rica.  

She never tried to stop me from doing coke.  I think she just let me do all that so she had a legitimate reason to leave me.  I didn’t respect that at all but in the long run it didn't matter.

At this point in my life, I’m in the house by myself and seriously indulging every day.  I’m buying just bags of dope.  I was smoking all day and night just trying to numb myself.  It was a bad time in my life.  When she left, I went chronic.

Drugs used to be a recreational thing for me.  Like I said, I was a weekend warrior.  Drugs weren't a part of my lifestyle, they were something to do on occasion with friends when you're partying.  Now, they became my means of coping.  Once I started hating my life and who I had become I went to the one thing I knew would make me feel better.  This would make me hate my life even more and guess where that sent me?

Working on cars didn't excite me anymore.  It used to.  I loved my job in L.A.  I've loved working on cars my whole life.  Still do.  But now with my own shop, my own accounts, a mortgage, a wife, taxes, responsibility, obligation, paperwork!!  The love of working on the cars faded.  I found no joy in it anymore.  I had deadlines.  I had inventory.  The mundane tasks took over.

You have to be careful with too much routine.  Routine and the mundane kills your spirit.  It takes away your dream.  It makes you forget who you are.  It takes away the joy you used to have in what you did.  If you spend every day just punching the clock, running errands, filing, checking off a list, making appointments, doing the dishes, you've sunk into a comfortable state of hatred.  

If you wake up at the same time every day, get out of bed the same way, go through your morning routine and leave the house the same time every day, you've sunk into a comfortable state of hatred.  If you go through your workday talking to the same people, having the same meetings, checking off the same list, eating the same lunch, leaving the same time just to come home and lay down on the couch and watch TV every night, you've sunk into a comfortable state of hatred.

If you find yourself finding different ways of coping such as drinking too much, doing drugs, gambling, shopping, cheating on your spouse, neglecting your kids, you have sunk into a comfortable state of hatred.

I was talking to these two investment bankers at the bar one night.  They were co-workers at the same firm, did the same job, were the same age and had been doing the job the same amount of time.  Instantly, I knew one hated life and one didn't so I wanted to see what the difference was.  The one guy, we'll call him John, talked about how he loved his job.  He loved researching, he loved trading and he loved making people money.  The other guy, we'll call him Joe, only said, "I've been doing this my whole life.  It's too late to start over now."

Which investment banker would you rather work with?  

Let's get one thing clear.  It's never too late to start over.  My grandmother went to Disneyworld for the first time in her life when she was 90.  Never, ever say it's too late to do anything.

Interestingly, neither guy was married and neither had kids.  John said he loved being single and loved living by himself.  He frequented many different bars and had a variety of interests and friends.  Joe talked about how he had invested in real estate.  When I asked him what his passion was, he couldn't answer.  John was quick to say he loved numbers and math.  When I asked John why he wasn't married, he said he knew years ago that marriage wasn't for him.  He'd had girlfriends and he's still friends with many of them.  Joe, on the other hand, wanted to be married to a supermodel, which was never going to happen.

Finally, I asked them what was they're biggest contribution was to life.  John said he's helped lots of people make more money and be more financially secure and also enjoyed helping take care of some of his friend's kids financially.  Joe said, "The afterlife will be better."

Really???  This guy was living his life only in the hopes that his next life will be better?  I was shocked and saddened.  What a waste.  I made a note never to invest with this guy.  He obviously doesn't care.

It all comes down to this:  You gotta find out who you are and be confident in yourself.  Then you follow your dreams and don't stay stuck in the past.  You have to keep changing things up.  This is how you will avoid the comfortable state of hatred.  If you allow yourself to stay stuck, become something you're not, lose your passion and give up on your dreams, you will sink into the comfortable state of hatred.  I guarantee it.

I believe 90% of Americans right now are in a comfortable state of hatred.  I've met so many people in my life from all walks of life - Different backgrounds, ages and financial statuses.  Most of them are in a comfortable state of hatred.  It's rare that I meet someone who truly was living his or her life freely and full of passion and choosing to love life every day.

  

There's a difference between giving up and giving in.  When you give in, you just allow yourself to be swallowed up by your life around you.  You're punching the clock – with your job, with your relationships.  You're a walking shell.  And you keep telling yourself, "I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.  This makes me a responsible adult.  This makes me a good person.  I've joined the PTA.  I have a nice lawn.  I recycle."  You've given in and you've lost control.  Give it a little more time and you'll find some other way to cope.  Go on anti-depressants.  Take up drinking.  Cheat on your spouse.  Start hoarding.  Play video games.

I married my wife out of convenience.  I bought a house, had a business, had a routine and it  seemed like the thing to do.  No pressure, just convenience.  Seemed like the thing to do next.  Most people think that way.  They do all this for the convenience.  You get yourself into a predictable daily routine that's stable and you can count on it, you don't have to try so hard and think so much.  But then what?  Just watch TV every night?  You have a life of convenience so you can spend all your free time getting to know the NBC lineup?

Get married when you are truly in love with someone and they are truly in love with you back.  Most importantly, they've seen the real you.  People can put on an act for a good year.  In fact, guys can put on the act for at least two years.  Guys know what I'm talking about.  They put on the best behavior act for at least two years.  And then, it will turn to shit.  I hear it everywhere – Men and women always say, "Oh they changed after a couple years."  No they didn't.  They weren't being totally themselves for two years!  They didn't change, they just stopped the act.

If you're going to be a dick, be a dick from day one.  If you're a pig then burp and fart from day one.  You're going to be you eventually so you might as well just be yourself from the get go.  Cause you're going to want to be with someone who loves you for you so you should show your real self from the beginning.  Trust me, the person you are meant to be with will love you as you are.  But if you put on an act, then the person who may be the love of your life won't notice you or fall for the act.  

This is why most marriages have a 4 to 5 year shelf life.  Because they weren't being honest with who they really are from the beginning.  Maybe they were trying to be something they wished they were or trying to live a life they thought they wanted.  But instead of trying this shit out on your own before hand, you put the burden on the other person and when the act is over, you're left with yourself and the other person didn't turn out the way you thought either.  And you hate each other and wonder why they changed.

This is not about getting older.  A younger person with a lot of experiences will learn from their mistakes.  Someone who doesn't do anything and doesn't build on any experiences won't mature.     

The comfortable state of hatred starts with complacency.  You get up, you go to work, you come home, cook dinner and watch TV.  Day in and day out.  Every day the same thing.  People are afraid of change.  They think to themselves, "I have this, I worked for this, I paid for that.  I have a place to sleep.  I have someone to sleep with.  I have responsibilities and people depending on me."  They don't want to change this because they think they've earned this.  But have you earned?  This is not living.  This is simply existing.

Change is good.  You're better off walking away from everything in your life and suffering hard core for a year than you are putting up with this anymore.  To get your life back for the next 30 years, give a year.  One year of suffering to get yourself back on track is worth what you'll have the next 30 years.

If you stay where you're at, you'll never truly live.  You'll just continue to exist. You might as well be a bird in a birdcage.  Because that's what this life is.  And you put yourself there.  People cage themselves.

Change is great.  But you have to be able to accept the consequences of that change too.  You have to learn not to burn bridges.  You don't have to hurt people in this process.  You don't have to turn away from the people in your life – that's not what I'm saying.  I'm not saying quit your job, leave your wife, abandon your kids.  No.  If you're married and you still want to be married to this person, you owe it to them to say, "Look, I'm not happy.  I need to make a change and I want you to do this with me."  

If there is a "we" in your life, then you have to get them on board.  It's not just about you.  You have to put it in context of we.  WE need to make a change.  WE need to start living.  WE need to do something different.  Even if you're in your 40's or 50's  - you still have 30-40 years left.  That's a lot of years and they shouldn't be spent just existing in the day to day.

You can't wait either.  You have to do this shit now.  I mean, what do you gotta do, buy more shit?  You want to wait until you buy the living room furniture?  Buy a new car?  Remodel the house?  Forget it!  Those things are anchors!  Buying stuff just keeps you in the comfortable state of hatred.  It keeps you locked down cause you have to keep paying for it and taking care of it.

Merchandise just traps you more and more and more.  The less you own, the better off you'll be.  The less you have to take care of, the less space you have to clean.  The less you have to maintain, the better.  Face it, life was not meant to just be maintained – it was meant to be LIVED!  How many books do you need to buy about painting walls?  How many knick knacks do you need to dust off?  How much more crap do you need to buy to show off to your friends?  How much stuff will it take to make you happy?  The answer is infinite.  It will take an infinite amount of stuff to make you happy – and that will never, ever happen.

You have to stir shit up.  You have to recognize when you've reached the point of a comfortable state of hatred.  If you're in a comfortable state of happiness, you can stop reading this book right now.  But most Americans are in a comfortable state of hatred and you have to be honest with yourself and take an honest look at your life.  Take a real, hard, open and honest look at your life and ask yourself if this is the life you dreamed of when you were a kid.

If it isn't, you need to change it.  You need to stir shit up and do something different.  Maybe you don't have to do an entire overhaul.  Start small.  Just change your daily routine.  Drive a different route to work.  Do your hair different.  Get some tea instead of a latte.  Try a shot of bourbon instead a beer.  See how these small changes feel and then start making bigger changes.  

When I first started smoking coke, it was an unbelievable feeling.  And it should be because it releases every endorphin and all your pleasure sensors at once.  In any other pleasure situation, endorphins are released then receptors recycle the endorphins back into your brain.  But when you do coke or crystal meth, it dumps them all at once and your receptors close up so the endorphins all go into your blood stream.  So it’s pretty much an instant hit to the groin, pleasure wise.   And you’re like, HOLY SHIT!  Then you can’t stop thinking about doing it again.  And it only lasts for like 20-30 seconds.  It’s exactly like having an orgasm length wise.  And so you just want to do it again.  And every time you do it, it gets less and less intense.  You never get the same feeling you did the first time.  But you keep trying.  Cause you want that same feeling again so badly.  So you do more and you do it more often – to get that high again and have that feeling again.

But then, paranoia takes over.  Severe paranoia.  Like where you swear to God that there’s someone at your window.  At every window.  There’s someone looking through every window and someone is going to kick your door down any second.  You’re going to go to jail.  You’re going to get murdered.  You’re going to go to prison and going to get gang raped.  You can never stop thinking about all this.  You’re constantly freaking out.  “What’s that noise?’  “Did you hear that?”  You’ll even turn your hot water heater off because you don’t want to hear that “ssshhhhh” noise anymore.  You’ll unplug your refrigerator because you can’t stand the humming noise.  Everything starts making noise.  And everything starts driving you mad.    

Before you know it, your house is destroyed.  All your shit is unplugged.  All the food goes bad and you don’t throw it out cause you’re paranoid that someone is going to go through your garbage so you live in filth and as long as you’re high, you don’t care and you never leave your room.  You won’t take a shower and you won’t go in the bathroom at all.  I knew people that would smoke coke and just pee in bottles.  Cause you’re too paranoid that there might be someone behind that shower curtain.  

I was in a bad place. I've been there and I needed help.

It's a dangerous slope to ask people for help.  You have to watch who you ask.  You're better off asking someone who has been down that road and someone you don't know that well than you are asking your close friends and family members.  Once your parents know you have a drug problem, you lose your pride and they will never look at you the same again.  

Even with money problems.  The haves always run away from the have nots.  As soon as anybody knows you need help and they have more than you, they run.  It's just the way people are.  I know people always say things like, "Oh you know who your friends are when you need help."  All that is crap.  Trust me.  Your true friends are not going to know what to do and will run away – not because they don't care, but because they don't know how to help.

If you have an addiction, talk to someone who had an addiction themselves and got clean.  Let them help you.  If you're not ready for that and you are still deep in addiction, listen to me right now!  You know you're a drug addict.  I did.  I didn't need my friends and family lecturing me about shit I already knew.  Nothing they could say would change anything.  You gotta get help on your own and you gotta seek out those who can truly help you. Completely trust me on this. I did it.  

-by L.A. Nik

I enjoy working on things again in my small, home shop.

The Power of Finesse by L.A. Nik

The Power of Finesse by L.A. Nik

It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

If the Power of Place is an essential building block for the evolution of “you,” then The Power of Finesse is an essential building block for the evolution of your relationships and daily life. Finesse is key for every relationship – your mate, your boss, your co-workers.

Everyone.

In order to be a dancer, you have to have finesse. You have to know how to move across the floor. Your mind has to know where to put your foot before you even think about moving it. Comedians have finesse. They can plant a seed with a small one-liner, let it grow, and bring down the house an hour later. The Power of Finesse is all of this and more.

The Power of Finesse is knowing how to say and do the right things at the right time in the right place. It’s being charming without being arrogant.

Without finesse, you won’t be able to successfully navigate the mine fields of life. The Power of Finesse provides the map to the mine field and helps you steer clear of trouble – the big explosions that can make you detour to places you don’t want to venture.

Finesse helps you steer your course – it doesn’t help you manipulate it.

-

People are a lot like dogs.

If you chase after a dog, it runs away from you. Right? If you run away from a dog, what does it do? It chases you! People are the same. If you chase people down, they'll run away from you. Wondering what they want and why they want it from you. If you run away from people, they chase you.

This only works if you have confidence though. If you're just some guy walking into a meeting with his head hung down and not making eye contact with anyone, no one is going to notice. No one will even think about chasing him. However, walk into a room with finesse and confidence, your head held high, making eye contact with everyone, what happens?

It's not what you say. It's how you say it. L.A. Nik cracking up

funny man Alan Kalter; Announcer for the David Letterman show.

They think, “Who the fuck is that? I have to meet this guy.”

They become the dogs chasing you!

It’s true. It works.

Believe me.

-

Put simply, The Power of Finesse is basically micromanaging your life. Like a dancer who knows where to plant her foot before she even moves it, Finesse is knowing what you are going to say before you say it.

I learned this first hand about finesse when I owned my automotive restoration business in Florida called Del Rey Vintage. One of my employees taught me a lesson in finesse that I will never forget. He didn’t do it intentionally – he was very subtle. As a matter of fact, Rueben probably didn’t even know what he was doing, but I remember it like it was yesterday.

He was working on a car of one of my best clients. The problem was that he wasn’t doing things correctly – or at least he wasn’t in my opinion.

“Rueben. You’re fucking this up! You’d better fix that,” I yelled.

Do you see what I did wrong?

I didn’t at first. It took a couple of lessons from Reuben to set me straight.

Reuben wouldn’t say a word. He was too proud. I pushed him out of the way and finished the job myself. The next day, Reuben didn’t show up for work. After about four days, he’d come back, start work again. He’d be quiet for a while but would eventually be back to normal.

L.A. Nik had about as much finesse as a bull in a china shop.

I didn’t think about what I said before I said it. I’d lost the map to my life’s mine field. Most of all though, I used the word “you” instead of “we.”

By saying “You fucked this up” instead of “I think we’re doing this wrong and we should fix it this way,” I stepped on a landmine. A fucking big one. I put my employee on the defensive before he even had a chance to respond.

-

You have to know your limits and how to get things done. You can use business strategies in everyday life and many of life’s lessons in business. You have to be careful about being persistent with people because the moment you push, they're going to think you want something from them. As soon as somebody thinks you want something from them, it’s over.

You're shut out.

You have to get people to believe you have something to offer.

Remember, make them chase you.

The best solution is to show interest in them without them believing you want something from them. Say you're on your way to work and you walk the same way to the office every day. You’re on the same sidewalks day after day. You ride the same elevator. Over time, you will begin to notice the same people – they are just like you after all. Then, one day, you finally get the courage to ackknowlege the one person who was piqued your interest after all of this time. You think to yourself, I'd really like to meet that person, but you've never said anything to her before. Most people are afraid and self conscious. They would never have the confidence or finesse to approach someone.

Then one day you make a passing compliment. You say, "You have cool hair.” You don’t wait for a reply. You don’t wait for her to say, “Thanks.” You don’t wait for a compliment in return.

Just keep on walking.

Do you know what you’ve done?

You’ve turned this woman you’re interested in into that dog I mentioned before. The dog who is now going to chase you! Ok, she’s not literally a dog, but you get what I mean.

If you expect and wait for a reply, you'll get shot down. By continuing on your way, this person will think, “Wow, he just complimented me for no reason. He must have genuinely meant it." 9 times out of 10 the person will start a conversation the next time you pass one another.

It works.

If people don't think you want something from them, they want to know you. Everybody wants to find a mate. Everybody wants friends. Everybody needs connections in business, in school, whatever.

It's human nature.

-

The Power of Finesse can also be considered common sense.

If you can't deal with a relationship with one person how are you going to deal with any dream you have?

You're not!

Never burn a bridge – ever.

I have no problem telling someone I think they're fucking up. I’ve just learned how to say it with finesse. I'll tell the truth as I see it.

I own what I say and take responsibility for my words. 

I'll say, "Hey, this is my opinion. But I think you're doing something wrong." I never tell someone I think they’re an idiot or stupid. Name calling is immature and it doesn’t help any situation ever.

You have to say the right thing to people. Saying the words "we" instead of “you.” It is a bit of a manipulating game. But you ultimately will still get what you want and you'll get the other person on board with you. And the most important, you won't hurt their feelings.

But that's how life is.

Life is a big fucking game and you have to know how to play it.

There are all these things in life they don't teach you in school. There's a difference between being confident and being arrogant. There's a difference between being persistent and being a stalker. There's a difference between believing in yourself and being narcissistic. And if you're not sure how to play the game, watch other people who do it with ease.

Learn from those with finesse.

It’s why I’m writing this book! I’ve learned a lot of things in this life and all I want to do is share what I’ve learned. I’ve talked to thousands of people and I can’t tell you how many people I’ve helped one-on-one. This book is just about spreading my wisdom to the masses.

Surround yourself around people who seem to know how to play the game. Listen to them. Watch them. Then try it out on other people. Never try to play the game with the professionals. Learn from those you admire and try out their techniques with your own style. You can't quote them. You can't do things exactly the way they do it. You're you and they are who they are.

All of these techniques you can use in your personal and professional life.

If you build your life good enough and you have a solid foundation built on integrity, nobody can take you down. Be true to yourself and everyone around you. Do what you say and say what you do. If I tell someone I'll be there, be there. Be honest with people.

My impression is that most people are not happy with their own lives. I hear this everywhere I go. If it isn’t true, then there are a lot of people bitching and complaining for no reason! 

What people don't get is that they have complete control of it. Everyone has the map to the landmines in their lives. Most just don’t know to read the map or even where to find it! They chase the wrong dreams – status and money. Those things don't make you happy.

Most importantly, you have to be happy with yourself.

Dealing with people is just like playing poker. You have to know how to read them. You have to read the subtle gestures and the small movements. You have to know when you have the upper hand and when you’re going to get punched in the face.

You have to know when you can call someone's bluff. No one tries to bluff me. I don't look like a victim so they don’t even try. Most people are intimidated and won't talk to me. The people who do talk to me have the confidence to match mine.

How I look doesn't match my personality. I know that. I'm a nice guy. I'm loyal to my girlfriend. I'm a good friend. I keep my promises and I don't hurt people's feelings. But people wouldn't know that about me from looking at me. And I’m fine with that. I'm not interested in knowing those people anyway. I have no tolerance for people who judge before they even have the confidence to approach me and say “hello.” I'm confident about who I am. I know myself. My girlfriend knows me and my friends know me. I don't have to prove anything to everyone in the world.

I get approached mostly by business men. I don't know why. Maybe cause they want to be me. Or maybe they wanted to be me when they were younger but then lost it when they entered the rat race. I don’t know.

Maybe they talk to me because I don't have a lot of patience for politeness and small talk and that’s what they’re used to. It's all a mask and it keeps us from being who we really are. I have no filter and I'll say how it is and what I think. I personally believe the world would be a lot better off if people just cut through that bullshit and were just honest with each other.

The world will treat you according to what you think of yourself. I absolutely believe that. I’m real. I’m honest. I’m a good guy and I care.

---- L.A. Nik ----- L.A. Nik ----- L.A. Nik ----- L.A. Nik ----- L.A. Nik

Having finesse is successfully steering your life. You have a choice as to what you want your life to be like.

Do you want it to be a huge ship that takes forever to turn?

Do you want it to be a racecar that if the steering wheel is turned even the slightest, you crash into the side wall.

One is slow and deliberate.

The other is fast and precarious.

You don’t want to be the Titanic but you also don’t want to be crashing at every turn. Life is a compromise between the two. You must have the finesse to make quick decisions like the race car but the patience to let things take their course – like the cruise ship.

Humans are not born with finesse.

Finesse is acquired. It is learned from practice – from time on life’s stage.

The problem that I have witnessed, is that most people become the cruise ship. They become so mired in living the dream that they cannot make the fast decisions that they once could. A few years ago I met a man at a bar and started up the conversation. He was in a suit and tie. He had a cell phone, a laptop, and an earpiece so he could talk on the phone without lifting his hand. He told me that he worked for a large company. He was one of the ninety presidents of the ninety divisions within the company.

He had pretty business cards.

“How the fuck do you get anything done?” I asked.

“We don’t. It takes too long,” he replied. “When we were smaller, things were different though. It was a lot more fun back then. We’re a global company now and that’s pretty cool though.”

The guy was miserable. I could read it on his face.

True. He made a lot of money but he was lost in the machine. He was on his third wife and his kids didn’t’ talk to him. He had once worked for a company that was a combination cruise ship and race car. He now worked on the Titanic. The icebergs were coming and they were too big to steer clear. The company had lost the map to guide them through life.

A year later, I came across his business card.

It was still pretty.

I recognized the company’s name from the news. It had just closed its doors and thousands of people had lost their jobs.

-

As I have said, The Power of Finesse is an essential building block for the evolution of your life. Finesse is the art of micromanaging yourself. It’s not manipulation. It’s not lying.

It’s timing.

Timing to know what to say and when to say it.

Timing to know when to turn from an approaching iceberg or landmine and being agile enough to realize that danger is coming.

You will only gain the Power of Finesse from living your life - it’s not something that you wake up with. Finesse takes time. You don’t want to be a charming Yes-Man but you want to be the one that people chase. The Power of Finesse is being able to balance the fine line between knowing when to be quiet and when to brag.

Power of Finesse by L.A. Nik

Transvestite Party, A Topless Woman on the Street, and a Horse. All in a Night Downtown Minneapolis with L.A.Nik

Transvestite Party, A Topless Woman on the Street, and a Horse. All in a Night Downtown Minneapolis with L.A.Nik 

L.A. Nik at Night. Click here to READ THE STORY!!

Addicted in Hollywood: L.A. Nik Cooks Cocaine Hockey Pucks.

Addicted in Hollywood:

L.A. Nik Cooks Cocaine Hockey Pucks. 

Six years ago I (L.A.Nik) was living in Hollywood and coming up on a full year Cocaine binge. I was smoking an 8th ounce a day... 

Locked in my bedroom, staring at the doorknob and holding a gun for 15 hours at a time - thinking any minute the FBI or someone was coming to get me. I was completely convinced of it.  When in all actuality, no one even knew I existed in that room at all. I unplugged from the wall, or got rid of, anything that made noise - the clock, refrigerator, etc..  I sat in dead silence for weeks-on-end, in complete and absolute paranoia. Cocaine...

It's really hard for me to look back at that. Being the strong minded person that I was (and am again), I didn't ever see myself  getting into that situation - Ever. The fact is, that much of Hollywood is addicted. Here's an article on some famous cocaine addicts you may not have even known were drug users. In fact, cocaine is such a wide-spread problem in Hollywood that someone just recently put this cocaine-snorting Oscar statue on Hollywood Boulevard; symbolizing only how weak and stupid we really can be.

Day after day I would swear I wasn't gonna do it the next day and sure enough the next day... I was doing Cocaine. Every day I just couldn't believe I was cooking up another batch of drugs. It became that the process of cooking it was almost a fucking religious act. I was good at it; so good that I was getting all of my dope for free in trade for cooking for the dealer.  I did it in a microwave and could do a lot in a short amount of time.  I used pint glasses and would drop out hockey puck size cooked rock Cocaine. 

I was down to 120 pounds and had not left my house in months. I would only eat one meal a day; delivery from Ro Ro's chicken. My room was completely trashed and stunk of cigarettes and cocaine smoke. The rest of the house was pristine because I would never leave my room, ever. I had become an addict. 

Today I'm 5 years, 100% drug-free and it's not even a possibility that I would ever go back.  It makes my stomach hurt thinking about it. If you have drug or alcohol addictions do what ever you have to do to get out of it. Ask a friend or family member for help if you can't beat it yourself.  Just make it happen. You can NOT get that time back and there is no ends to the means on drug addiction. Nothing good will happen to your life on drugs.  Nothing.

Check out my book Life is Short then Your Dead Forever for motivational and inspirational self-help.  YouNeedThisBook.com

L.A. Nik. Author of "Life is Short, Then You're Dead Forever".

~ L.A. Nik