How to Communicate Better by L.A. Nik

How to Communicate Better

by L.A. Nik

Don’t just talk. Communicate.

The Power of Communication, like finesse, is learned. You are not born with it and, like most lessons in this book, it’s acquired through experience.

Have you ever met a teenager who can effectively communicate?

No.

There are times when you can barely understand what a teenager is trying to say let alone what they are trying to communicate. And there is a difference. Talking and communicating are two different things.

A two year old can talk but not really communicate an idea besides the essentials of life like hunger and thirst.

A teenager, like a baby, can also talk. He may have a larger vocabulary at his disposal but he really can’t effectively communicate abstract thoughts. It’s not because of stupidity but because a teenager hasn’t had the life experiences to help build the skills needed to effectively communicate.

Fuck, most adults I’ve met even have difficulty mastering it.

Communication is a combination of confidence and finesse and once you have it, the world can be yours.

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There are certain places that do not have a great reputation when it comes to customer service. We all dread having to go to them but we’ve all had to go: the Post Office and DMV. Most believe that the people who work there have the worst jobs on the face of the Earth. Maybe they do. That’s not what’s important though. What’s important is that the people who work there deserve the same respect as anyone else. The fact that you hate having to go there is not their fault. When people have to bite the bullet and go, they treat the employees with distain and disrespect.

It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The people have a reputation of being rude so customers treat them rude so the employees in turn are rude in return. They are more focused on the end of their shift! It’s a no-win situation for anyone.

What if you went in the DMV with a different attitude?

What if you accepted that these people do, indeed, probably have the worst jobs known to man but they have to make a living. They have bills to pay. A family to support. They listen to people complain all day about the bureaucracy but are helpless to do anything about it. Plus, if someone is rude to them, why should they bother being helpful?

I know I wouldn’t.

What if you went in with a different attitude?

What if you decide to communicate rather than talk?

I’ve learned to communicate – not talk – and I use my skills of communication every minute of every day.

It works every time.

When I moved back to Los Angeles, I lost everything. I didn’t have a single form of identification on me and without a driver’s license. I couldn’t do anything. So I had to make a trip to the DMV. I took my number and watched the people interact. It was not pleasant. As my number was approaching, I started to watch and guess who would be the person to be helping me. I watched as they interacted with the customers and I watched how the customers interacted with them. Every single customer was fucking rude. If I was going to get an ID, I knew I’d have to be different. The person I’d watched the longest turned out call my number.

“Fifty-two,” she yelled. That was my number. I could tell that she was having a bad day. After all, the person she’d just tried to help had just called her a fat bitch and walked away in disgust.

“I don’t know how you deal with that,” I said. “That was uncalled for.”

“It’s part of the job,” she said. I could tell she was just waiting to get to the next customer so she could end her day. I also thought I could see her eyes water. After all, she’d just been called a fat bitch.

“It doesn’t make it right. No one deserves to be treated that way.” Then I noticed that she was wearing a beautiful necklace. “That is a beautiful necklace,” I said. If you remember from the previous chapter, The Power of Finesse, I didn’t wait for her to compliment me and I didn’t immediately tell her my problem.

“Thank you. My husband gave it to me for our thirtieth anniversary.”

She was letting her guard down. She knew I wasn’t going to be a threat. That I was a nice guy. She was so used to be talked at that it was refreshing to have someone communicate.

“How can I help you?”

She was actually smiling!

“I have lost everything,” I said. “My driver’s license, my credit cards. I honestly don’t know what to do next.”

“Well, let’s see what I can do,” she said.

If I  (L.A. Nik) had been just another Californian, I’m sure I would have had to go to another line, fill out forms, wait some more, fill out more forms, wait a week, and maybe then have a driver’s license. By using the Power of Communication, I walked out with a new driver’s license in about one hour. More importantly, I’d made a new friend. Her name was Martha. Her husband was Ben. She had three kids and four grandchildren.

Communication with your mate is a delicate balance. Just like
with anyone. Try to say, "we" instead of, "you" or "me." - L.A. Nik

Using the Power of Communication is like gardening. It takes patience. When you plant a seed, does it immediately take root and sprout? No. It takes days or even weeks before you know that what you planted is going to grow.

The same is true for the ideas and concepts you communicate in your business and professional life.

If there’s a position at work that suddenly becomes open, the best approach is not to immediately run in to your boss’ office and demand to be given the promotion and raise. Treat work like your garden.

Plant seeds then wait for them to grow.

One of the most important lessons of communication is to prove your point (your value) before your make your point. Be positive. Let your boss know that you are valuable. Demonstrate your ability to do the job then plant the seed with “I could do that.”

Then drop the conversation.

You’ve planted the seed now be patient and let it take hold. The thing to remember is that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. If you squeak too much though, you get fired.

Like most everything else I’ve talked about in this book, communication requires confidence. If you don’t have confidence when you communicate, then none of your seeds will germinate.

None.

Without confidence, you’re talking again – not communicating. Everyone will hear what you are saying but no one will react. To them, you’re just another voice among hundreds of others.

Let’s say that you’ve left your laptop in a hotel conference room. You need your laptop so you walk up to the concierge. Your head is down, you don’t make eye contact, and you say, “Pardon me, but if it’s not too much trouble and if you have time, can you please let me in the conference room to get my laptop?”

You’ve placed yourself below the concierge. He’s not going to help. Why would he? You’ve given him lots of opportunity to say no. You’ve said “if you have time.” You’ve said “if it’s not too much trouble.”

That’s not communication.

That’s talking without confidence.

In order to effectively communicate, put yourself at the same level as the person you are talking to. Make eye contact. Keep your head up.

“I need to get into that locked room to get my laptop.”

Don’t wait for him to reply. Start walking towards the locked room.

Make the concierge chase you!

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by L.A. Nik

LOL! L.A. Nik really missing on the power of communication!